Diagnosis: "You're Allergic to Men"

Well hello, my fine family and friends...long time, no blog!

So, what has been going on in the world of Heidi's uterus? So much...which might sound inappropriate, but totally isn't (dirty minded little freaks!).

Since our last post, we tried another insemination...unsuccessfully. Again, Heidi had a close encounter with barbed wire (see post dated November 2, 2010). We headed back to the doctor when the pain started, did another ultrasound, finding nothing and he initiated more blood tests. This time, however, we found something on the blood test: Heidi had a positive result for ANA (antinuclear antibody). ANAs are found in patients who have various autoimmune diseases. So, the doctor wanted us to see a specialist, either an immunologist or rheumatologist, to see if that was what was causing the severe pain after insemination. We, of course, surmised that her immune system was attacking the sperm, thereby causing the pain. No, we are not doctors, but we are excellent surmisers.

Well, for anyone who has had to make an appointment with a specialist, you know it takes a frigging month of Sundays to get an appointment. We tried several immunologists first. We finally managed to get in to one on a cancellation. Wow. Can you say "The worse experience with a medical professional...ever!". We sat for 59 minutes waiting for the doctor to make her way into our room. I'm pretty sure that if we had been 59 minutes late, the doctor wouldn't have been as amenable as we were. Strike One. Well, she comes in and has absolutely no idea why we are there, despite the fact that Heidi had given her office all of the details and had faxed over her blood test results. First, she asks me if I'm the mom. Heidi's mom. Seriously. Strike two. Heidi answers her with a solid "No, she's my wife." Then the lovely doctor proceeded to tell us that she really just deals with allergies, not so much our issue. She vaguely remembers that whole fertilization process from med school. Oh, sidebar here. This doctor had the highest pitched voice I had ever had the pleasure of listening too. I know I heard dogs howling blocks away at the sheer pain her voice caused their sensitive canine ears...it was equally painful on our ears. It is incredibly hard to listen to someone explain a medical issue when you can't get past the sound of her voice, like nails on a chalkboard. I digress. So, she's asking a plethora of allergy related questions, even after we explain why we are here. In her barrage of pointless questions, she says that she has an awkward question to ask us, but she really needs to ask. She asks, and I frigging quote, "Are you related to one another?" Pause. Yes, I say, we are married. She says...wait for it, wait for it..."No, I mean are you related by blood?" ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME HERE??? What the hell kind of question is that. Strike frigging three!!! At the end of the appointment, she decides she wants to send us for some allergy tests. Yea, that's a big fat negative. We exit her office as quickly as possible and vow to never return. Erg!

So, our next step is to get into a rheumatologist. Heidi finds one closer to home (crazy doctor was in Tampa) but our appointment isn't for a month...more waiting.

Our fertility doctor has decided that we can't move forward until we get this figured out. He obviously doesn't want to put Heidi in harms way. But this has been an amazingly exhausting journey, emotionally exhausting for both of us and absolutely physically exhausting for Heidi. Heidi is functioning on small shreds of emotion and patience at this point because this process has been so hard for her. This was just proving to be another obstacle and she is ready to give up. We decide that it's time to take a little break from the process. We're stuck anyway...we have to wait to see the specialist so we are obviously going to miss the insemination for December. So, that's why we've been on hiatus. We decided for sanity's sake we would take a break from the constant mental and emotional commitment to this process. And we decided to book a snowboard trip for February. Listen people...we needed a break! Strapping a board on and riding down a mountain is better than any therapy!

Well, our month finally passed and we had our appointment with the rheumatologist. Yes, there was a little dread considering our last experience but we trudged through the dread and went to the appointment. Night and day from crazy doctor!!! This office was amazing and after a very detailed Q&A and physical exam by the PA, we spoke to the doctor. The first words out of her mouth when she walked into the room were "Well, I think you're just allergic to men". LMAO...reassuring for me, to say the least! LOL After her review of the intake, Heidi's blood tests (she had a couple done at different times to see if the ANA levels changed) and talking with us, she thought that the ANA didn't present any of the typical symptoms and that Heidi's pain was likely caused by an allergy...to sperm. LOL Just kidding, most likely it was to the chemicals they use to wash the sperm. So, she suggested that we switch sperm banks. She also suggested that Heidi take Prednisone a week before and a week after the insemination. But best news of all, we can try again!!!

Well, now we have a snowboard trip planned. LOL So, little Heidi will begin her regimen of Clomid and now Prednisone on our vacation. If the gods of insemination are with us, when we get back, she'll be almost ready for the ultrasound, then insemination. Until then, no more cowboy hat baby. :( We are spending every night looking for a new baby daddy at a new bank. Weird...feels sort of like we are back at square one.

So, my super-lesbian wife (as confirmed by doctor diagnosis) and I are back in the market for super-sperm washed with "super-sensitive" cleaners. :) We should have known at the first leg of this process that she was super-sensitive when the smallest amount of Clomid created enough eggs for us to have a TLC show. Super...here we go again, time to make a baby! 2011 is the year! I can feel it!