Take Two: A New Baby Daddy

And here we are...a mere few weeks from our next opportunity to inseminate and we have just tonight committed to a new baby daddy. Now, we need to fit buying sperm into our schedule to make sure it's done before we go on vacation (seriously...I don't want to be snowboarding down a mountain and thinking about sperm, I just don't!). We need to make sure it's here for the day o' magic (Heidi's o'vulation day...see the play on words? I crack myself up!). Anyhoo...so, we are lucky enough to have two friends, fabulous friends I might add (in case they are reading this blog) that are now pregnant (whoo-hoo!) via in-vitro. They have gone through this same process of finding a baby daddy with a different cryobank so they graciously agreed to donate all of their purchased profiles to our cause...very much appreciated!

Wait...back the truck up a little. We ended our last blog with the presumption that we were going to have to change cryobanks (sperm banks for the less inseminational information inclined) because my dear wifey is allergic to boys...or at the very least, the wash used to clean their dirty little sperm. Now, if you read back a few blogs, you'll see the adorable cowboy hat baby picture that we had settled on as our donor. We love cowboy hat baby. We want to have a cowboy hat baby. But we were in a quandary because cowboy hat baby's sperm induced violently painful reactions in Heidi's uterus and failed to fertilize. We communicated with the sperm bank to see if we could find out what they washed cowboy hat baby's sperm in and then we communicated with our fertility doctor's office to see if they could wash the sperm instead and if so, what did kind of dish soap did they use to wash it? (For the gullible (Amanda), they do not use dish soap...I'm kidding). Their active ingredient was in significantly less proportions than the bank...what? Is that a light at the end of our dark little tunnel? (Insert completely inappropriate reference here to Heidi's tunnel to her uterus...visualize with a fertility doctor looking into the tunnel with a light affixed to his head; I've seen this so it's easy to visualize). Could it be that we could use cowboy hat baby?!?! I imagine that while we were talking to the fertility doctor, there must have been that excited little tremble in our voices, like a kid on Christmas morning, about to open presents. (Insert excited giggle here.) Well, maybe! She would check with the embryologist and maybe we could. (More giggle!) Oh, one more question...do we need to worry about whether our donor is CMV positive or not? (Insert screeching halt to giggles here). Oh, yea, you do. Our donor is positive...as is 80% of the population. If Heidi is positive, no worries. But, if you've read even a small portion of our blogs, you know that Heidi doesn't follow the norm on anything...see nine follicles; see over-reaction to Clomid; see allergy to sperm...you get my point. So, back to the lab we go for more blood tests. I'm not entirely sure how little Heidi has any blood left in her little body but she did it...blood and a little tinkle (hehehe!). And yes, you guessed it...she's negative. So, once again, cowboy hat baby is out of the running.

So back to finding a new baby daddy. We spent the majority of our night yesterday reading profiles. I have to say that some of these donors are really funny; I also have to say that they aren't meaning to be funny...they just are. I suppose when you are a young, twenty-something boy, your perspective is just, well, funny. What, you say? You want examples? Why, of course, I will be happy to elaborate. When asked why he became a donor, donor number AFL9982 responded "I thought it would be a better use of it than throwing it away." Same donor in his essay explained, "I don't own an organizer, a tie or a good pair of dress shoes because the places I go let me in no matter what I'm wearing." LOL When asked who is favorite hero was, donor number BJL9999 said, "Myself". He's also an actor and a model, go figure. Donor CJL9986 cites his accomplishments as "Doing everyday things that most people can't (installing car alarm for example)." His self-description of his personality was "reserved, somewhat sarcastic; think big, but act small." What does that mean...act small??? His favorite music is any music with talented musicians...rock is best. His reason on why he became a donor, and this is my favorite quote from him, "To help people who need sperm (and the money is nice)."

We, sadly, did not select any of the above as our baby daddy. We selected a very handsome, intellectual, well-rounded, musical, creative (he loves glass blowing) donor. He was so cute, I thought maybe I wanted to date him. Heidi said she gets to date him first. Since she's using his sperm, I suppose that's only fair and right.

Diagnosis: "You're Allergic to Men"

Well hello, my fine family and friends...long time, no blog!

So, what has been going on in the world of Heidi's uterus? So much...which might sound inappropriate, but totally isn't (dirty minded little freaks!).

Since our last post, we tried another insemination...unsuccessfully. Again, Heidi had a close encounter with barbed wire (see post dated November 2, 2010). We headed back to the doctor when the pain started, did another ultrasound, finding nothing and he initiated more blood tests. This time, however, we found something on the blood test: Heidi had a positive result for ANA (antinuclear antibody). ANAs are found in patients who have various autoimmune diseases. So, the doctor wanted us to see a specialist, either an immunologist or rheumatologist, to see if that was what was causing the severe pain after insemination. We, of course, surmised that her immune system was attacking the sperm, thereby causing the pain. No, we are not doctors, but we are excellent surmisers.

Well, for anyone who has had to make an appointment with a specialist, you know it takes a frigging month of Sundays to get an appointment. We tried several immunologists first. We finally managed to get in to one on a cancellation. Wow. Can you say "The worse experience with a medical professional...ever!". We sat for 59 minutes waiting for the doctor to make her way into our room. I'm pretty sure that if we had been 59 minutes late, the doctor wouldn't have been as amenable as we were. Strike One. Well, she comes in and has absolutely no idea why we are there, despite the fact that Heidi had given her office all of the details and had faxed over her blood test results. First, she asks me if I'm the mom. Heidi's mom. Seriously. Strike two. Heidi answers her with a solid "No, she's my wife." Then the lovely doctor proceeded to tell us that she really just deals with allergies, not so much our issue. She vaguely remembers that whole fertilization process from med school. Oh, sidebar here. This doctor had the highest pitched voice I had ever had the pleasure of listening too. I know I heard dogs howling blocks away at the sheer pain her voice caused their sensitive canine ears...it was equally painful on our ears. It is incredibly hard to listen to someone explain a medical issue when you can't get past the sound of her voice, like nails on a chalkboard. I digress. So, she's asking a plethora of allergy related questions, even after we explain why we are here. In her barrage of pointless questions, she says that she has an awkward question to ask us, but she really needs to ask. She asks, and I frigging quote, "Are you related to one another?" Pause. Yes, I say, we are married. She says...wait for it, wait for it..."No, I mean are you related by blood?" ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME HERE??? What the hell kind of question is that. Strike frigging three!!! At the end of the appointment, she decides she wants to send us for some allergy tests. Yea, that's a big fat negative. We exit her office as quickly as possible and vow to never return. Erg!

So, our next step is to get into a rheumatologist. Heidi finds one closer to home (crazy doctor was in Tampa) but our appointment isn't for a month...more waiting.

Our fertility doctor has decided that we can't move forward until we get this figured out. He obviously doesn't want to put Heidi in harms way. But this has been an amazingly exhausting journey, emotionally exhausting for both of us and absolutely physically exhausting for Heidi. Heidi is functioning on small shreds of emotion and patience at this point because this process has been so hard for her. This was just proving to be another obstacle and she is ready to give up. We decide that it's time to take a little break from the process. We're stuck anyway...we have to wait to see the specialist so we are obviously going to miss the insemination for December. So, that's why we've been on hiatus. We decided for sanity's sake we would take a break from the constant mental and emotional commitment to this process. And we decided to book a snowboard trip for February. Listen people...we needed a break! Strapping a board on and riding down a mountain is better than any therapy!

Well, our month finally passed and we had our appointment with the rheumatologist. Yes, there was a little dread considering our last experience but we trudged through the dread and went to the appointment. Night and day from crazy doctor!!! This office was amazing and after a very detailed Q&A and physical exam by the PA, we spoke to the doctor. The first words out of her mouth when she walked into the room were "Well, I think you're just allergic to men". LMAO...reassuring for me, to say the least! LOL After her review of the intake, Heidi's blood tests (she had a couple done at different times to see if the ANA levels changed) and talking with us, she thought that the ANA didn't present any of the typical symptoms and that Heidi's pain was likely caused by an allergy...to sperm. LOL Just kidding, most likely it was to the chemicals they use to wash the sperm. So, she suggested that we switch sperm banks. She also suggested that Heidi take Prednisone a week before and a week after the insemination. But best news of all, we can try again!!!

Well, now we have a snowboard trip planned. LOL So, little Heidi will begin her regimen of Clomid and now Prednisone on our vacation. If the gods of insemination are with us, when we get back, she'll be almost ready for the ultrasound, then insemination. Until then, no more cowboy hat baby. :( We are spending every night looking for a new baby daddy at a new bank. Weird...feels sort of like we are back at square one.

So, my super-lesbian wife (as confirmed by doctor diagnosis) and I are back in the market for super-sperm washed with "super-sensitive" cleaners. :) We should have known at the first leg of this process that she was super-sensitive when the smallest amount of Clomid created enough eggs for us to have a TLC show. Super...here we go again, time to make a baby! 2011 is the year! I can feel it!