And then, there were six...

We went back to the doctor yesterday for a follow-up ultrasound. It's a good thing too because Heidi is about on the verge of bursting. She's barely used to having one egg form and "burst", but having nine seems to be pushing the limits of her little tummy. She rode to the doctor's office with her pants undone to relieve some of the pressure created from growing excessive numbers of follicles.

When we get to the doctor, he explains that he is going to measure the follicles from Saturday to see if they have grown any. During the ultrasound, we learn that between Saturday and today, Heidi's follicle count went from nine to six. Three must have absorbed into her system but the remaining six are growing...large and in charge! One is over 27mm in length. I know that a millimeter may seem small, but we're getting used to getting really excited over really small measurements. And you multiply that times six and factor in the tiny circumference of her mini-abdomen and if you carry the one and divide it by PI, well, her tummy hurts. I digress...

So the doctor tells us to continue taking the ovulation tests and advises that based on her ultra-sound, she should be actually ovulating within the next forty-eight hours. A bittersweet pronouncement, since we won't be inseminating, but good news nonetheless. After she gets a positive result on her ovulation test, she needs to call him for next steps.

Guess what? Yea, she's ovulating. Her LH surge was so strong that the test indicated positive almost immediately. I tell you, even with six follicles, she's an egg-making machine! I'm so proud of my little ovulator! She took two tests this morning, just to make sure and then called the doctor. Next steps...she has a blood test on Friday to again test for progesterone and then she has to have another ultrasound when, um, well, how do I say this, um, on her, well, on the first day of her cycle. She's pretty icked out by this but the doctor wants it, so we're gonna do it. Kind of makes me happy I don't have his job. Ew. The nurse said it was a standard test so we're not concerned, just icked out. :)

After that, she'll hopefully start the next, reduced level dosage of Clomid. And if all goes well and she doesn't over-achieve on the egg making...insemination! Poor little cowboy hat baby is getting tired of hanging out in storage...he wants to be free to impregnate!

One little blip relating to something outside of our insemination. Unfortunately, Heidi has had to make the decision to forego walking in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day walk in October. She was ridiculously excited about participating but with the number of days we anticipate in her cycle, we'll be inseminating right at or near the day of the walk and the nurse said the heat may have an adverse affect on her eggs. So, bummer for Heidi, but if she gets preggars, not the worse trade-off in the world.

Back to waiting for her period again. There will probably be another two weeks before anything else happens. So, we'll miss you...see you in about fourteen days, crampy and ready for the next step!

Someone is an over-achiever...

On Saturday, we went back to the doctor so he could make sure Heidi is ovulating. This was her first cycle with Clomid and before we did an insemination, he wanted to make sure she had some follicles, or eggs to be, so to speak, that would make their happy little way down her fallopian tube for eventual fertilization (if cowboy hat baby's swimmers were up to the task). This ultrasound would hopefully tell us if the Clomid she took stimulated her little egg-producing factory. He told us that if it worked, we should expect to see two to three follicles. Our goal was to see some eggs and then hopefully inseminate when she ovulated, likely within the next few days. Whoo-hoo! We're so excited because all this talk of insemination and it might actually be happening soon. Time for the ultrasound.

Let me just add a side note here...our doctor is very good at telling us what is on the ultrasound screen. That's a good thing. Quite frankly, if it were left to Heidi and I, we wouldn't be able to tell one black spot from the next or one grainy spot from the next. It's all a mish-mosh on the monitor. Thank goodness Dr. Weldon is very descriptive as he moves his magic egg counter around. Otherwise, we'd have absolutely no idea what was going on in there.

Back to the point, so he puts the magic egg counter on the left side first. He's a little shocked as he begins to count the follicles...one, two, three, four, five. Five follicles on one side. He carefully measures each follicle and all of them appear to be maturing equally. Another aside for the fertilitiy lingo challenged...on average, two dominate follicles will mature and compete for the ride down the fallopian flume. So, five is, well, above average. Then he moves to the right side. Again, disbelief...one, two, three, four, again, all equally mature. That's nine (for those who are also mathematically challenged). Nine mature follicles. His quote "you have enough in there to populate a small village". Needless to say, the Clomid worked. It worked a little too well actually. If we were to inseminate right now, we'd likely be the stars of the next TLC series about multiples. The chances of having several little kiddies is very high. And while we want a baby, we don't really want nine. At least not all at the same time! (Let's be honest, I don't ever want nine kids. Ever.)

So what does that mean? It means that we'll be waiting another cycle. Why? See the last sentence of the last paragraph. And Heidi is all of 94 lbs. Where on earth would she store nine babies? So we are going to lower the dosage of Clomid, which for Heidi, means cutting her next pills in half. She was already on the lowest dosage and because her little baby making factory is a bit of an over-achiever, she created a future village.

The doctor was actually so taken aback he finished the ultrasound, put everything away, turned on the lights and then realized he wasn't done...he still needed to measure her uterine lining. So, he started over...long story short, her uterine lining is fabulous, as I knew it would be. One of the worries with Clomid include the potential thinning of her uterine lining. Not a worry here...little miss egg maker not only over-achieved on her egg making, she also kept a strong lining. I'm so proud. Who knew all of that could be happening in her tiny little body? I tell you, when she puts her mind, and her uterus, to something, there's no stopping her. LOL

The last patient of Dr. Weldon's that had this high of a follicle count on Clomid also waited until her next cycle to ovulate. She had three follicles at her next cycle and she inseminated. She's now mommy to twins. Again...there's no way on earth we'd want to inseminate with nine follicles. But the good news, his last patient got pregnant on her first insemination after waiting the cycle. Hopefully, we'll follow her lead. Of course, it would be nice if we only made one little Heidi, not two, but still, better than nine. LOL

We go back to the doctor on Monday just to make sure none of the follicle were actually ovarian cysts. The doctor was pretty confident they were all follicles, but he likes to be thorough. Good thing, I don't think we have nine baby names...

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes sperm in a vial delivered via FedEx...

We have done it! We have made our first purchase of cowboy hat baby sperm...it's the first "delivery" date we are excited about in this process. Hopefully they send some good swimmers who can give us another delivery date to get ready for!

So, here's the plan: Heidi spoke with the doctor and got good news...she got the results of her blood test back and she ovulated last month! This is great news for Heidi since we aren't sure that she always ovulates. That means that when she gets her monthly visitor (due any day now!), we can start her prescription of Clomid. Then (fingers crossed!!!), in about two weeks, we begin taking the ovulation tests and when we get a hit...we inseminate!!!! Yes, I said it...we inseminate! We'll have two days of insemination and then, well, we hope the little miracle of pregnancy happens.

This is the first time, ever I think, that we have been counting down the minutes until Heidi's period started. She had cramps yesterday...it's a strange day when we're excited about that. Today, her breasties were tender...clue number 2! People, these things are important in our quest for insemination!

That's all for now...I hope that the next blog is about her insemination process and the successful use of two vials of cowboy hat baby. I think it would be unladylike if I posted about her period, so you'll just have to keep guessing. :)

Cross your fingers!!! We're on our way...on our unique path...

"Yes, can I get an order of sperm? I have a coupon."

You know, it amazes me how heavy the weight of worry can be. Nothing tangible, but heavy none-the-less.

Even more amazing is the feeling that happens when that weight has been lifted.

Today's visit with the doctor was a-fricking-mazing. We had another ultrasound done. The spot was smaller. A lot smaller. The doctor was actually amazed at how much smaller. We had the pre-ultra sound talk about how it may not be much smaller, that sometimes the difference wouldn't be easy to see this quickly, if it was just a cyst, that it could take up to six weeks to see a difference. But, no...Heidi's little uterus has been working double time at doing whatever it needed to do to crush that big black ball of worry. The doctor said it was likely an ovulatory cyst and it had collapsed. He was amazed at how much smaller it was and felt like it was nothing malignant or worrisome. The cancer blood tests came back negative and all is right with the world again.

And that alone would have made for a fabulous day, but wait...there was more! Not only did our little scare end up being all for naught, but if after a blood test to check Heidi's levels of progesterone (a little hormone that appears after ovulation), we may get to inseminate this month! "What?!?", you say. Yes! If her blood test shows the existence of progesterone, after her next period starts, we'll start our first round of Clomid...we already have the prescription! Because of the irregularity in Heidi's cycles, the doctor felt like it would prove more difficult to try to inseminate without using Clomid, likely making the process a little less successful. Uh, yea, need I remind you about the increased chance for twins? Well, it's still there but without it, we run the risk of taking a lot longer to get pregnant. So, what are our plans for the weekend? Well, you won't hear this everyday, but we are buying sperm. LOL The doctor said to go ahead and order it and have it delivered to his office for storage. And as if it couldn't get any better...there's a sale on sperm this month! LMAO Save $90! Whoo-hoo!

I know it will come as a surprise, but I damn near cried. Still get a little teary eyed every time I think about the stark contrast between the way we felt yesterday and the way we feel today. There is this crazy irony that all of the things I had hoped would happen on the last visit, happened on this visit. All of the things I had feared on this visit disappeared. Strange the way things turn out sometimes. God is good and he obviously heard the mountains of prayers I was throwing at him (Thanks G for listening and answering!).

OK then...I guess it's time to make a purchase. Hopefully cowboy hat baby is still in stock.

An unfortunate waiting game

I find that when I have good news to share, I can't wait to get on-line to blog about it. When I have less than ideal news to share, I marinate on it, procrastinate blogging and wait to post. And wait. And wait. As if waiting will change the content of the blog. So, I've waited long enough...here goes.

Almost two weeks ago, we went in for our ultrasound to see if Heidi was ovulating. We chatted on the way to the doctors about how cool it would be if she were ovulating right now and we could inseminate next month. I admit, it didn't seem far fetched to me and I was really excited that we were progressing so quickly in our little endeavor. We've already picked out our donor. We have the money in the bank...nothing left to wait for but Heidi's egg maker.

When we got to the ultrasound, the doctor was very good at showing us all of the important parts of her, well, her parts. We saw her little uterus (hehehe) and well, other stuff that I can't recall the exact name of (I am not medically inclined when it comes to remembering technical names). Then he got to fallopian tube #1. He showed us some small dark spots that could be either evidence of ovulation or something else. They were small, less than a centimeter each. There was an explanation of the end of the fallopian tube "exploding" or something to that effect when ovulation occurred. OK, well, I guess that's good. Then, he moved to fallopian tube #2. That brought us to a very large black spot, measuring over 3 centimeters. Let me just interject here...when your "parts" are on the monitor and enlarged for better visibility, they look much bigger than three centimeters. And when the size is magnified, and you find a large, dark cyst, it looks downright ominous. It was a weird moment. The sensation that something wasn't right but not really understanding what wasn't right. The doctor, again, went into a very technical spiel, big words, but definitely the words "further tests", "cancer", "issues with fertility". How is it, I wonder, that when a person is talking you can clearly hear certain words but not others? It boils down to him not knowing what it was. It could be signs of endometriosis, which doesn't make fertility impossible, but certainly more difficult. It could be something else...that word you don't want to think about, that word that even now brings the pang of tears behind my eyes.

The nurse took some blood for testing. There was that sad "I'm sorry" look in her eyes. That feeling that there was tiptoeing around you made the fear a little more pronounced.

And, we left. We'd wait for the blood test results to come back then schedule another ultrasound. With any luck, there would be a change in the size of the cyst, or mass, or whatever it is. If there's a change in size, that's good news. If not, well, not good news. I don't know what next steps would be...maybe surgery, maybe more testing. I don't know.

This blog is meant to track our progress on this journey. This was the first time in our progress that we said very little to each other on the way home. It was the first time that I was afraid to think about the future. It was the first time I didn't want to talk or think about this process. Even now, almost two weeks later, it makes my heart hurt to think that there is even the smallest chance that something could happen to Heidi. She is my world, my everything - she is the love of my life. I can't even find the words to describe how the thought of something being wrong with her makes me short of breath, makes my heart weigh twenty extra pounds and beat hard in my chest. Ugh!

On the up side, we did get the blood results back. The nurse said they were normal. Good news. I mean, normal is good, right? I don't know what it was normal for, but normal is good. Just a bump in the road...

So, in one and a half days, we go back to the doctor for another ultrasound. Fingers are crossed. Toes and eyes are also crossed for good measure. Friday at 1:00. Say a little prayer, send a little thought...think of, well, think of Heidi's uterus and send good vibes. Vibes...hahaha...even sad and scared, I still make myself laugh.

It's all good. It will all be good. I know it.