On Saturday, my beautiful wife and I went for our aspiration. For the IVF challenged, this is the procedure where we go in and try to retrieve all of the eggs that Heidi has spent the last month trying to make. We are hoping for a good number of eggs so we have lots of opportunities for success! The embryologist is there to find, rate and fertilize the eggs that we find. Also starring in this little event, the good Dr. Welden and his trusty nurse, Pam. It's a full house.
Prior to the actual procedure, she is injected with a little Midazolam and then a dose or two of Demerol. This puts her in a bit of a twilight state where she is able to communicate but has absolutely no recollection of the events that unfold. My friends...I learned something on Saturday about my wife. She's funny as hell. The irony...she doesn't remember how funny she was thanks to her special cocktail.
We went in for our aspiration. As is typical routine, Heidi spent the entire pre-procedure worrying that she might have ovulated and this would be all for naught. She does this all the time because, in reality, it's a huge deal-breaker if she does. She has never ovulated before she's supposed to (except for that one little IUI with RMG) but she worries anyway. At last count, there were about fifteen follicles so we are anxious to see how many eggs we'll fetch during the aspiration. As is standard, the preparations for our aspiration include cranking the AC down to sub-zero temperatures. Heidi was prepared this time! She brought socks to keep her tootsies warm. She also brought her own pillow with her instead of using the standard issue Care Bear. I'm sure this alone is sufficient for ensuring success! Work with me people ~ if baseball players can credit game wins on dirty socks, surely we can credit lesbian pregnancy on socks and special pillows. It would be nice if, for a change, you would just see my vision without me having to elucidate on everything. Digression...
So, all of the cast is present for the making of "Let's Make a Baby". Heidi is naked from the waist down, except for her trusty socks. I offered to also be naked but said offer was graciously declined by the nurse. Just wait until I give feedback on my comment card; this is absolutely going to come up as a "Needs Improvement".
The IV is placed in Heidi's arm and taped to a board. This is good because last time, during her drunkard Demerol state, she was very insistent on removing said IV. Taping it to a board will make it a little more difficult for her to try her own IV removal. We have a new addition to the procedure this time...a video monitor that links up to the embryologist microscope so we can see the eggs as he sees them. Correction...so I can see them. Heidi will be drunk on Demerol. She'll be communicative, but likely not able to remember or see or focus or you get the point. So, yea, a new monitor for me.
As the Demerol starts to flow, Heidi's eyes become heavy. Her words start to slur just a bit and I know...she's heading into the land of narcotic intoxication. The doctor comes in and starts making his preparations. It's a full on procedure so there are a lot of things to do...set up the ultrasound machine, set up the test-tube sucky-thingy, set up all of the test tubes, set up the guide for the ultrasound machine, put the dreaded speculum into Heidi's nether-regions...all types of pre-aspiration fun. As he is preparing his workplace (also known as Heidi's vagina), the Demerol kicks in and the first of Heidi's memorable moments occurs. In her sweetest slurred voice, Heidi says, "Dr. Welden...you're beautiful." Immediate laughter from me and the nurse. I don't mean a giggle, I mean I had tears coming out of my eyes. She's so fricking adorable! Dr. Welden just smiles and nods; I imagine he suspects it's the Demerol talking. LOL
As the procedure starts and the ultrasound wand is inside Dr. Welden's workplace (er, you know, Heidi's vajayjay), Heidi says, "Ow." Pause. "Ow, ow." Dr. Welden looks up from betwixt her thighs and little wifey says, "Just kidding". For real...my drugged up wife is playing a little vaginal practical joke. I thought I was the only Voci who did that?!?
She proceeds to ask Dr. Welden if she can have the rest of the Demerol to take home. Dr. Welden chuckles and says no. Heidi says, "Why not? I paid for it."
Throughout the procedure, Heidi does well but is in a little pain. She's also extremely thirsty. This results in me playing nursemaid to her with a small cup of water and a broken straw, which as we all know, means you suck in a lot of air and a little water. The last time she asked for some water, she said, "It was just right here on the nightstand." LOL My little Demerol darling. LOL
Now, the actual point of this blog isn't only to recap the musings of my intoxicated wife. It is to relay to you, my friends, family and some random strangers (what? It's a public blog!) the progress of our baby making efforts. The procedure lasted for a bit since there were so many follicles. Each follicle was sucked out, sometimes twice because eggs have a tendency to stick to the wall of the smaller, less developed follicles. Dr. Welden would suck the egg into the test tube and Dr. Clarke would look at the messy blob of bloody goo and announce whether or not an egg had been located. I would look at the monitor on the wall to confirm his findings. Really? No, I would look at the monitor on the wall and have absolutely no idea what the hell he was looking at. It was a blob of black and white. I'd like to say I could see it but it was really only when he actually pointed out the exact thing to me. Even then, I wasn't able to pick out the next one. LOL I could, however, identify the follicles on the ultrasound; I'm a frigging expert on that at this point.
The "Unexpected Moment" of the day came in casual conversation with the nurse. The last time we did IVF, we elected to freeze any unused embryos so all of the eggs retrieved were fertilized. Somewhere around sucked out egg #8, the nurse mentioned that only three would be fertilized since that was all we were putting back in. *Screeching brakes* What??? Why were we sucking out all of these eggs if only three were going to be fertilized? What if any of the three fragmented?? It happened the last time but it wasn't a big deal because we started with twelve eggs. What if they were all unsuccessful in dividing? For me, this was a holy shit moment. Heidi was in Lala Land and we hadn't discussed this. I told Pam that I wanted them frozen then because I wanted all of the eggs fertilized. I asked her why they wouldn't fertilize all of them. She responded that Dr. Welden wouldn't discard a healthy embryo. *Screeching brakes again* I hadn't thought of that. I mean, there are plenty of arguments about when life begins but I can tell you that for two lesbians trying to make a baby, for us, it begins the moment those eggs are extracted and they are introduced to a sperm or two. They are, for all intents and purposes, our babies. I couldn't imagine just discarding them either. I talked with the embryologist a little to see what he thought the chances were of successful fertilization with three embryos. He said he thought they were excellent because Heidi had great eggs PLUS there was a back-up plan. Four of the eggs were at the intermediate stage of maturity which meant they weren't able to be fertilized for a day or two. If any of the three that we had fertilized did not thrive or started to fragment, we still had four eggs that we could fertilize. OK. That didn't sound so bad. We didn't want to freeze eggs because, as we already knew, the chance of pregnancy wasn't so great (unless your name is Kyong) and we'd actually have to make contingencies for our frozen embryos. Meaning what would happen to them if we died. Didn't think about that either. So while my wife lay there in her little happy place, I made the executive decision not to freeze any of the embryos and rely on the success of three or the back-up of four. And if all of that failed, I would just tell her that she made the decision and I had to comply. I'd tell her that I thought she was lucid and legally able to make these kinds of decisions. Yea, that's what I'd do...
So, end of the day, we ended up with fifteen eggs. Not half bad for a girl weighing in at 98 lbs. If nothing else, my girl is a helluva egg maker...momma hen, if you will.
Oh, that's not quite the end of the story. What would this blog be without one more example of how darned funny my wife is. So, at the end of the procedure, after vitals are taken and she's stable and all of that good stuff, they slowly start to wake her up. They lift the table she's laying on up a little at a time. They move her legs from a nice comfy position to a sitting position. I rub her hair lovingly in an attempt to rouse her from sleep. I whisper sweet nothings to let her know we are done and to get her to come back to the land of the living. When those things don't work, I reach out, with only love in my heart and ever so gently, grab her boob. To which, she responds, "Thanks Pam." That's my girl. LMAO
We have spoken with the embryologist twice since the aspiration. Both times, he said the embryos are doing fabulously and no fragmentation has occurred. This is great news! His words today, "You're going to get pregnant this time." I hope his prediction is right. I hope this is our time...our turn to be mommies to a baby (or two!).
And now we wait until Thursday when we will hopefully put three healthy embryos back into the baby maker. Hopefully, all of the prayers we have received, good karma and the fact that Heidi made out with a fertility statue will bring us the success we so desperately want. Fingers are crossed!
