Santa Baby, I really do believe in you

We are a mere four days into our fourteen day waiting period to see of this weekend's inseminations worked. Amazing how when you are waiting for something, time creeeeppppssss by. I mean, we've had our fair share of distractions - our plumbing clogged up (so gross!), had some unfortunate family issues, which will remain off this post but distracting just the same, sickness (I have a cold...AGAIN!!!)...all distracting but not distracting enough.

Let's talk this out a little...

Since I am a glass half full kinda girl (no comments from you, Nancy!), let's talk about the positives first. Usually the day after the second insemination, Heidi gets really severe pains in her abdomen. This time...nothing! There was no pain. That was a HUGE hurdle for us and we passed it...thank you, universe! Unfortunately...it didn't last forever. But good news (yep, optimist), the pain wasn't as severe as it has been with the last two inseminations. We researched insemination side effects and there have been a lot of posts where there was cramping and bloating after the fact so we are going to chalk it up to that. The intensity was less and she's fine now.

The bad news...well, we're only on day four of fourteen days before we can test. And, technically, we aren't going to test until after that date because day fourteen is the day Heidi is in her friend's wedding. We don't want to have good news that day and overshadow the wedding celebrations and well, if you're a negative Nelly, we certainly don't want bad news. Which won't come. I feel it. I think all of the negative the universe has had to throw back at us this week has been in our plumbing. We have taken about all of the shit, literally, that we can so any equalizations that have to occur, have equalized via crap. Urine and crap, to be exact. So what does that mean? It means the universe is saving all of the good stuff. It's saving all of the good things for day fifteen and testing. And if that's what has to happen, so be it. I'll wallow through all the crap the universe has to throw at me if it means little Heidi is knocked up. Preggars. A bun in the oven. With child (singular, please!). Wearing her apron high. Up the duff. Killing that damn rabbit!!!

We have continued our little chanting, focusing now on implantation. We are willing our little blastocyst to make its way into the lining of Heidi's uterus and implant. Implant, implant, implant...say it with me, people! Implant, implant, implant.

We have also learned how when you are newly pregnant, which I just know Heidi is, that the same exact symptoms exist for being newly pregnant as with getting your period. It's kind of mean, if you're asking. I mean, really, I get that they both involve stuff happening in the uterus, but a little distinction would be fabulous for those of us TTC (Amanda, that means "trying to conceive".)

I have also learned that people who determine due dates don't know crap about dates. For example, if Heidi is pregnant, which I know she is, she is already considered two and a half weeks pregnant. Weird. Especially since we only introduced the little swimmers in there a few days ago. Yea, so, technically, if we test on April 3rd, she will have been inseminated two weeks sooner, but will be considered four weeks pregnant. How does that even frigging work?

Anywho, for those of you who do not have a Favorite marked on your Internet Explorer for calculating due dates, first of all, hit me up and I'll email you one, second of all, if Heidi is pregnant (which I know she is), her due date will be December 9th or December 10th, depending on which swimmers got there first, Fridays or Saturdays. So, I'm just telling you all right now...do not try to gyp my kid out of both a birthday gift and a Christmas gift. My best friend (I'm referring to you, Kyong) was born on December 22. I know how her parents made the big gift the one for both her birthday and Christmas. We are not going to tolerate that crap. So start budgeting now. Start shopping for both now. Why? Because I just know we are going to have a little December baby. I feel it. The universe will make this happen. Otherwise, all of the crap (and urine) I've muddled through this week will have been all for naught. Pft...that just won't work for me.

Suddenly, the song "Santa Baby" is running through my head..."Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight".

Four, four, four...

Today, my friend told me about the laws of attraction as it relates to positive thinking. You know, if you think it, it will be. Well, I have to say that a small part of me must believe this to be true because since my last post, I've been silently and audibly chanting "four, four, four". Then, to add to the power of my positive thinking, I started to look for other signs, signs that the big guy upstairs was throwing my way to let me know he heard me. For example, according to the Garmin, our time of arrival to the doctor's office for our ultrasound was 2:06. Six minus two is, what? Say it with me..four. Heidi emailed me four four-leafed clovers; I reciprocated with four kissing lips. I called her at 12:24. I was pulling all kinds of fours out of the air today. I facebook posted a call to chant four (knowing that only a few people know about our endeavor, I ran the risk of strange questions). Mom-in-law did a long four chant. Auntie Lisa chanted too. Last night, I talked directly to Heidi's belly, softly whispering "four, four, four". There's a big four in a circle drawn on my board at work. I think it's safe to say that I made every effort to do my part to put this out to the universe; and then wait and see what the universe threw back at me.

Why is four so important you ask? Well, might I suggest you read the previous blog (pft!) but if you're on a time constraint, I'll give you the cheat sheet. Four is the number of follicles we wanted Heidi to have. If we have four, it's not too many (don't want to be the next octomom!); it's not too little (washed sperm is expensive...we want to make sure there's something to fertilize!). It was, to quote a very sassy blond fairy tale girl, "just right".

I am proud to announce that the law of attraction worked today. Our ultrasound revealed that Heidi had FOUR perfect little follicles, all waiting to drop into her little fallopian tubes and meet a few million little sperm. How excited are we? Well, I don't have the words to describe how good it felt knowing that all of our chanting was not in vain. It felt so good knowing that we were going to get to try again. It felt good knowing that today, March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, may be Heidi's last day as an unpregnant woman, her last day not being a mom. Gosh, that sounds so amazingly exciting! We inseminate tomorrow and Saturday. What shall we chant as we prepare for the next step? Fertilize? Implant? How about...we're going to have a Christmas baby? Is that too long? Pick one, pick them all. Just chant...the laws of attraction are waiting for you to throw this back into the universe for us. Fertilize, fertilize, fertilize...implant, implant, implant...please, please, please, we would love a Christmas baby...

And the overachiever strikes...again

When we last left our heroines, they were en route to a much needed vacation to Vermont. Vacation accomplished. Snowboarding successful. Ah...ready to go back to focusing on procreation (can you call it that when it's via insemination???) Fast forward to the week after returning from vacation...

We had a visit planned a few days after we got back from vacation for our monthly viewing of Heidi's uterus via ultrasound. For this cycle, we changed things up a little bit by adding Prednisone to the drug ritual. Heidi started taking Clomid already, same dose and added a low dose of Prednisone to her repertoire to hopefully reduce any inflammation potentials because of her high ANA count. No huge changes. We were excited about taking on the process again. We hadn't done an insemination since November because of all of the extra testing so we were definitely happy to be back to this point again. We need to get some sperm into that woman!

So, back to the uterus on the big screen. Remember, we've finally gotten the drug concoction down so there wasn't anything on our radar that would indicate that we wouldn't be able to inseminate. Well, the ultrasound changed that. For whatever reason, this cycle, Heidi, my little over-achiever, well, she over-achieved. With the same dose of Clomid, she ended up creating seven follicles. Seven. Not four or even five. Seven. We were shocked to say the least. The doctor explained that if they continued to develop, he would recommend against insemination. While we knew the answer, we still asked...what were the risks?

I know that's a stupid question. We knew the risks but we felt like we just couldn't wait anymore. We've been working on this for so long with no result so we were to that point where we were almost willing to minimize the risk in our heads and go forward anyway. The doctor explained, as he had in the past, that the risk of multiples increased...to about 50%. That was a 50% increase in the potential that she would get pregnant with two, likely more, children. Then, when you add the number of babies, you increase the risk to their health. And then that which I am not, nor will I ever, be willing to risk...Heidi's health.

We scheduled an ultrasound for two days later to see how the follicles were developing. We crossed our fingers and prayed and hoped that against all odds, maybe two or three of the follicles didn't develop. We hoped that we would be down to a more reasonable number and would still be able to inseminate. Yea, not to be. Let me again refer you to Heidi's new title of the overachiever. Somehow, in the two days since the last ultrasound, she managed to create yet another follicle. Now there were eight.

So, reality hit hard. Really hard. There were tears for the lost opportunity. There were tears of frustration. There were tears knowing that it would be at least another month before we could even try again.

Today started the next cycle. Three days from now, Heidi starts Clomid again. Only this time, she's only taking it every other day for five days...reducing the dosage. This could either work or not...fingers crossed. Oh hell, fingers, eyes, toes, everything is crossed. I'm going to do my best to chant through her belly button into her uterus numbers...small numbers...so, if you hear me chanting "four, four, four", you know what I'm talking about.

Come on, baby...this is it. This is going to be the month. There's a very special kitty in Heaven talking to the big guy about getting this done.

Say it with me, people..."four, four, four".